I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
