On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
