i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
