just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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