she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
