I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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