it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
