The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
