i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
