im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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