when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
