My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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