We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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