so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
