Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize