btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
