jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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