Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
