Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
