Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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