I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
