So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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