Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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