I like my sex mixed with concussions.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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