Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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