Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
