Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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