It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize