The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
