so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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