I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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