just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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