hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize