yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
