If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You smell like stripper and shame
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
