No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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