My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
