I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
