Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
