Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
