College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
