shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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