he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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