hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
