After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
