I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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