She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
