you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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