Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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