i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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