Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How's work?
Spinning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dicks are not precious.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
