If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
