I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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