Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
