You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
