So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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