I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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