R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
