Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
