I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
