Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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