did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
