Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
