think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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