So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize