We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
