True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You should frame my arrest warrant.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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