i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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